A Flickering Mind

While staring towards a flickering light in his room, Amit thought how could he resolve the confusion in his life. Well, there were many issues surrounding his soul but the major was acceptance of his real self in front of others. He knew himself long back but couldn’t accept in front of his family, relatives and friends. Now, it was high time to either go as per his heart’s rule or to fail all along as per society’s choice.

His parents were forcing him to settle down finally with a known girl, Amisha. While Amisha and Amit were friends, but he couldn’t think of her more than a friend. Their families have known each other for a long time and now, they want to convert this friendly bond into a relationship channel. Amisha liked him, she did like him more than a friend and she agreed to the match. But Amit has to share the real reason in front of his family, Amisha and her family before this thing actually get finalized and end up screwing up his life. But he couldn’t understand about the proper way of communicating the secret which he has been living since he was a teen. Since, his schools days he never had a crush on a girl. His school friends usually took a lot of his time in discussing their love interests but he couldn’t. He was not interested in girls back then. Nothing changed later, he couldn’t develop interest for any of the women around him. And then, he met Shivam (Amisha’s brother). He was gay. He has finally fallen in love. Shivam was smart, sexy and funny. A deadly combination. And through Amisha, they get to know each other. Now, Shivam consider Amit as his friend but Amit consider him more than that.

Life wasn’t troublesome for Amit only in personal means, even his professional choice seem to flicker away in his mind. He was employed as a government officer in an environmental department. He took care of assignments which intend to clean water and other earthly resources but he couldn’t clear out his mind to finally dive fully in his passion. For last five years, he was dedicating each of his evening to dance classes. He was a known contemporary dancer in his group. He now used to teach kids, the contemporary dance lessons. He has a you-tube channel dedicated for same purpose and it’s quite famous now. Thank god his parents haven’t noticed anything yet. They used to think that Amit generally goes to cafe each evening since he loves to write. Here, his parents think maybe one day Amit would love to write something and there wasn’t any harm in that plan. His parents were quite conservative and he knew it would be very tough for him to explore his reality in front of them. It would be actually much troublesome for his parents to accept his hidden truth. But now, he has participated in a dance competition where he was already shortlisted, surprisingly his age wasn’t a hindrance factor in this competition. He would be be watched on a TV show. He won’t be able to hide it anymore and he has to make a decision soon to let his parents know.

He focused exactly ten minutes on the flickering light in his room. Light was earlier gone due to a storm, now it has come back but not full-fledged. He was watching how much time, it would take to normalize itself. But he also noticed that even flickering rays were able to gather themselves in a dark room. They were capable enough to bring some light but how hard they would struggle this way to come out as a real truth, depends on their strength. And then, in few seconds after the ten minutes complete the clock’s round, flickering lights came back to their original bright self. Room was bright like a day intend to be. That was the time when he knew what he has to do.

Parents were being asked to meet in the drawing hall for a private discussion. Yes, his mother refused to talk to him after that discussion. Yes, his dad couldn’t listen anymore the words regarding his truth. But he was relieved like a free bird. He knew they will be upset. But he also knew that he would dedicate all of his energy to let them accept him just as the way he is in reality. He messaged Amisha later to inform her. He met her in a cafe and started his tale through the moments of their friendship he enjoyed so far with her and after then, as a friend he disclosed his truth to another friend. She was quite liberal and open minded. She thanked him to disclose the real truth and now she knew why he couldn’t love her the way she loved him so far. Her life was saved and so was his. They were still friends and he was happy at-least. He told her further about his dance interests and she suggested how she would support her throughout the way so that his parents would accept his passion.

Days passed away, so were the silent weeks. Soon, his parents started to recognize how happy he was these days. He was so relieved and they could see him through his happiness. He managed to explain them each and every day why he couldn’t help himself for not being anyone else other than a gay person. They were learning to accept him in bits and pieces. Before, he could share his another truth, he thought it would be better if they see first people reactions on his performance, maybe after then they would understand his passion better. Amisha took his parents to his show. Parents weren’t aware as she told them that this was a surprise. When Amit danced in that awakening filled tunes with his contemporary dance moves, people clapped, judges praised him and all his parents could see was his tears floating through his cheeks to their eyes. Emotions couldn’t have connected better that day. He knew himself and now, his parents knew him too.

And the twinkling lights on the dance floor made him recall the moment of the stormy day when his flickering mind sorted all confusions of his life just to stay true. He knew now –

Even flickering lights are capable enough to

Pass through the darkest moment of the day

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