Fear of unknown, fear of getting in touch with a stranger on social web. It was all there when I met him online. In the most usual way, Facebook. It was the love for web-series that got us in touch. Never saw him or met him before. But something got clicked. His suggestion for new web series were so great, that I couldn’t ignore him or his viewpoints anymore. Soon, chats were there and soon we were talking each and every day.
Now, COVID came and we were still talking to each other till one day he requested to video chat. This is where, it gets weird for me. I hate video-chats. I just don’t like it and people don’t admire the fact that I hate this concept of video based conversations. How could I make him know, that I don’t like it at all. But then, since COVID began, I was dying to meet some friends or at least meet some new people. And I said Okay. Since the day, I was busy in usual chores, I thought we can keep one night for first video-chat.
He was funny, he was unpredictably funny. I laughed so hard after so long. He surely can find ways to make weirdly sad things, a major fun to you. I liked that in him. Then, we started discussing the fears of our minds. Since, these are COVID times, so I told him that I am so worried about my parents. I love them to the core and I can’t imagine them contracting this disease. This was the most dangerous fear I was living within me each and every day. He listened carefully and asked me – “What am I grateful for?” I replied- “Well, I am not grateful at-least for this pandemic? But I am happy that I have a loving family. It would have been great for all of us if we can get back to normal”. He said – “Fine, let me answer this. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for each day where I can still see the sky, where I can still use my senses, where I can still have the capacity to see hope”. I asked him, if he wasn’t grateful for his family. He said that he doesn’t have any, he was an orphan. He made his life since the beginning on his own terms, he was very small when his parents let him in this world all alone.
Just there in that moment, I thanked this night to give me a moonlight. I realized that I should be grateful to my fear. It’s coming in my mind just because I got an amazing family to care about. If they wouldn’t have been in my life, the fear won’t be there at all. But, wouldn’t I want them along with this fear anyway? Since, I can’t imagine my life without my parents, I took a different approach. I wrote a gratitude letter to my fear, that night.
Before tough times actually came
Your arrival gave us a frightening taste
Feeling unwelcome you just wanted
To meet me with open arms yet
I remain afraid of you though it’s
The overthinking to whom
I should be scared of but
Not of your charms